I'm emotional and full of love.
Eroticism.
Emotions.

I feel like such a shit girlfriend 99% of the time because I can't help him when he needs it.
I honestly don't deserve his company, but wow, am I thankful for it.

Knowing you're a fuck-up who doesn't have your shit together is one thing, but hearing it from someone you love so deeply hurts more than anything.
I get so afraid that I'll stop being loved or that we'll stop loving each other. How do people even stay in love anyway? I feel like I should know after three years, but I'm still unsure. I hope everyday that we're not still together simply out of convenience. I know I love you and have never stopped loving you, but how do I know if you're on the same wavelength? I have a feeling you are, but I wonder sometimes.

I'm at the age where everyone I went to high school with is getting married and/or having children and it's all very surreal to me. My best friend of eleven years just announced her engagement to her boyfriend, and it seems like each week, someone new is taking that plunge.

Then there's me. Unemployed. Living with my mom. At least I'm in school, I guess, but still. I feel no need to rush into a marriage (though my boyfriend and I have been together for three years now), I'm just feeling a little jealous. I'd like to get married one day, but I know it's totally not the right time at the moment.

Man, it's just freaking me out. The early twenties is a weird, weird time.

I start my fall term at college today!

I'm writing this between classes right now. I've only been to one so far and it's way boring because it's stuff I already know. Hopefully it'll be a nice, easy A though.
I got a lot done already today with my almost five hour break between my first and second class, so I'm not as stressed anymore.
I'm hoping the rest of the day goes well and I shall update about all my classes later this evening.

Ugh.

My fall term at school starts tomorrow and my motivation and excitement for school has dropped considerably. I'm not even in classes yet and I'm sick of the homework. How pathetic. Life's just got me stressing out a bit for various reasons and I'm just tired. Fighting back tears constantly and being irritable and easily agitated. It's all really annoying.

And then I'm really bad at the "five things" list idea I had because I can't think of a theme for my next list. I had an idea, but silly me, I didn't have my journal with me to write it down to blog about it at a later date.

Can I go to sleep for a few days?

An admittance

I'm really very insecure sometimes. I've always kept myself in denial of it, but it's a true thing. I play it off like things don't bother me, but sometimes the smallest comment about something maybe about what I'm wearing or whatever can really bum me out. I'm also really insecure in relationships and friendships. I constantly find myself wondering if my boyfriend really loves me or if he just puts up with me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Do my friends actually enjoy being my friend or do they pity me. They're stupid thoughts, and I often feel really stupid for thinking them because of course my friends are really my friends and my boyfriend does love me, otherwise he wouldn't still be with me after three years. I just get too down on myself sometimes, and it's hypocritical of me because I tell others not to be so down on themselves, and that's not a good way to live.

Surely, I'm not the only person who feels this way, but feeling this way sucks.