It's been a couple of weeks since I've last posted. Not too much has changed. I'm back living with my family,  though, and have been for a little over a week now. I'm about to register for my fall semester at school, getting one term closer to being able to apply for the nursing program, which I'm very excited for. I still have a lot to go before I can apply, but it feels great to actually feel like I'm starting to find my path again. It's liberating. Next step is still looking for a job and definitely getting my driver's license. I'm headed in the right direction, though, and there's no place to go but up. 

Bring it on.

I've been so bad about keeping up with this blog lately. I mean, it doesn't matter too much since no one reads it, but I really do like to keep it for myself so I can quickly write what's going on in my life and assess it and then deal with it. Anyway, I've just had a lot of stuff going on. With the possibility of losing my house looming over my head and then my mom tells me that she and my step-dad may not stay together, which really upset me, and then school and trying to find a job.

I've decided I'm going to apply for the nursing program at my school. This is what I want to do, and I really hope I don't change my mind, but I feel really good about this. I've got quite a bit to do before I can apply, but that's okay. It'll give me time to confirm that this is what I want to do and stick with.

I'm going to apply for jobs at local nursing homes in this coming week, so fingers crossed for that.

My mom said that if it comes down to it, I'm welcome to move back in with her, only downside, Connor can't come with, which doesn't really make me happy because I've been living with Connor for a little over a year and a half, and to go back to not living with him really bums me out because I love living with him and don't want to not live with him. It would be for the best, though. But it's only happening if we really have no way of staying in our house.

I'm trying really hard to keep my chin up, but it gets tough sometimes. I just keep telling myself that things will get better and all the crappy stuff will pay off. I hope.

Everything has just been bumming me out so badly this passed week so I have zero motivation to do anything. I need to work out. I don't want to. I need to clean the house. I don't want to. I need to do homework. I don't want to. I'm tired of school already and it's only been three days. I have to be a grown up and get shit done. I don't have time to sit around being upset, but that's all I want to fucking do.

Life shit and good luck charms.

I've always been very iffy when it came to relics like voodoo dolls and such. I think they're cool, but I never put much stock into them.
Until recently.
My mom got me a novelty voodoo doll from Marie Levau's House of Voodoo, it's just a cute little thing with Hello Kitty fabric on it (that's part of why my mom got it for me). I also have an evil eye necklace that my grandfather brought back for me from Greece.
Well, day before yesterday, I noticed the good pin was missing from my voodoo doll and all that was left was the bad pin. Then yesterday while I was at school, my evil eye necklace broke.
When Connor picked me up from school later that day, he told me that his parents are selling our house and we have a month to find a new place. Now whatever, it's probably just a coincidence, but seriously. That's a crazy fucking coincidence. I can't even wrap my head around this. I need to find a job more than ever now. Even if I had a job as well, it's going be hard to get by and find a place we can pay rent on because rent in the city we live in and would like to continue to live in because of convenience, is expensive. A studio apartment is close to nine hundred dollars a month. One bedroom apartments are close to six hundred. Connor suggested maybe I move back in with my mom, but one, I don't want to leave him or be without him, and second, my mom is looking to move into a smaller place, so she wouldn't have room for me anyway. I have no idea what we're going to do.
I'm just really upset about the whole situation. Two reasons being that I have been working my ass off to clean up and prepare our backyard for me to landscape it a bit and now there's no point anymore. I don't want to clean it up for someone else to make it nice. I wanted this to be my summer project. Another thing is that we just buried one of my families cats back there because my mom is moving and she didn't want to leave the cat behind (I don't know, that may sound stupid to you, but whatever. We really loved this cat.) Now we're going to have to leave her behind anyway and it breaks my heart.
Life is so stupid right now. I know things will get better, they mostly always do, but right now it's hard to stay optimistic. I love this house we live in. I wasn't planning on living here forever, but I didn't want to only live here for a year and a half. It's a perfect first home for me and Connor, and we won't find a better rent situation than what we have now since his folks are our landlords.

So, in conclusion, this sucks and I am definitely not a fan.

Kait goes to school

I survived my first week back at school! It was only two days, but still. I'm there all day, Monday and Wednesday, so I'm already a bit exhausted. It's still pretty good though.

Intro to art history - The teacher is incredibly sassy and funny and she has great hair. I like her voice, too. It really helps me to listen. If that makes any sense. She goes a little fast, though and it's a bit hard to take notes especially since I don't have a book.
Developmental psychology - The teacher has terrible handwriting, but he's good at lecturing, so I just take notes from the book and listen to him.
Creative Writing (fiction) - I am in love with this class. I love it. The teacher is great. We did a lot of free writing yesterday and it felt really good. I haven't really written in a while, and it's really nice to get my creative juices flowing again. I'm looking forward to writing my short story assignments.
Intermediate Algebra - I hate math. I can't stand it. I'm terrible at it. This class is torture because it's math, but then it's not torture at all because the people taking the class with me are awesome and the teacher is really awesome. A lot of people in the class are taking this for the second (third, fourth) time and he truly cares about us succeeding so we can move on to the next math class. He asks what would help us learn, how should he teach the class. Not a lot of teachers do that, so it's really great that he's doing this.

So, yeah. I'm looking forward to this term because, for once, I enjoy all my teachers.

My grandfather is officially off his rocker.

My mom met with him last weekend to talk about helping my brother get a car (since he crashed mine), and my grandpa was just a straight up jerk. First off, he has this habit of making things up and swearing that these things happen, but no one even knows what he's talking about. Example, when my family went out to dinner many years ago, my grandpa swears to this day that cocaine fell out of my dad's jacket pocket. Everyone else at the dinner doesn't remember that. Like, at all.

Anyway, so my grandpa was going on about how my brother has just dug himself into this deep hole and he's irresponsible and whatever. Even though, my brother has totally dug himself out of the hole in which he wasn't going to graduate high school. He's kicked his butt into gear and he's done with high school and he's going to graduate. Then he's saying that my brother shouldn't join the army, but instead he should join the air force. Then he's saying that we only come to him when we need money. My mom has never asked him for anything because she never wanted him to hold it over her head. My brother hasn't ever asked him for anything. I've asked him for money. Once. Two years ago. And you know what? He willingly gave it to me and didn't ask for anything in return. I offered to pay him back and he told me no. He also thinks that my mom and stepdad are having trouble with their marriage. "We never contact him". He doesn't contact us either. It goes both fucking ways. I'm so glad that I wasn't there when all of this happened. I would have lost it. I was getting so angry with him when my mom was telling me about it. And my mom is sure his wife thinks he was crossing the line because she seemed to keep trying to get him to shut up, but it didn't work. Because my grandpa is always right. He's the smartest man in the world. He's just so very, very great. (not actually)

OH. What's even worse is that he was going on about our cousin and how he's got a 4.0 gpa and he had a car at 16 and wow he's just so perfect. Thanks, gramps. Thanks for treating us like we're less. Quality man. He won't even go to my brother's graduation because he has a "prior engagement with his church" he just can't get out of for one afternoon.

It's all fucking ridiculous.

I am so excited to start my summer classes. It's been too long since I've been in school. I'm especially excited for my creative writing class. I haven't written anything decent in a couple of years. I used to be constantly writing. Poetry, mostly. I'm so thrilled for this. I hope it gets me back into the swing of things, and I learn how to make my writing better because my poetry was good. Sort of. One day, I may post some of them here, but I'm really insecure about the things I've written. Maybe this class will help me with that, too. One of my friends is taking the class as well, so there's that perk, too.

These next ten days need to go by quickly. I'm ready to learn!

Classes I'm also taking include

• Intro to Art History
• Intermediate College Algebra
• Developmental Psychology

I'm hoping that this is the term where I finally pick a major.